When we left off, I was in the car, on the phone with
birth mom bawling my eyes out. I told birth mom that we were afraid that she
was going to change her mind about giving us baby girl. I will never forget the sound of her tired, raspy
voice saying to me, “Oh honey, I am NOT going to change my mind.” That was my biggest fear. Being given a baby, what we have wanted most in the world for over
three years, and then having that sweet baby taken away from us.
I was so full of emotions: happiness, joy, and excitement, but I was also overwhelmed with feelings of fear and anxiety. The
thought of getting a baby made me feel complete, but the anxiety of losing her
terrified me. I had no idea how we were going to make this baby ours, but at
that moment I didn’t care!
When birth mom asked what we wanted to name baby girl, I was practically hysterical! Husband asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital
to see baby girl. As soon as he asked me that question, I knew he was on board. YES!!!! I've waited for this for so stinkin' long! So, we went to the hospital to meet baby girl.
When we got the hospital I saw a tiny human bundled up
in the white baby blanket with the ever familiar pink and blue lines. Everything I did I asked birth mom’s permission. Can I hold her? Can I change
her? Can I feed her? She kept telling me, “Yes, of course, she’s your baby.” It
was all so surreal. I was at the hospital, in the maternity ward, holding a
stranger’s baby. Our baby?
I remember asking Husband if he wanted to hold her. He
is not a fan of babies. The excitement in his voice when he said, "Yes!" brought
tears to my eyes. I looked at her sweet little face and fat swollen eyes and
thought, “She’s okay.” Husband on the
other hand, replied, “She’s so cute!” The longer we were at the hospital
interacting with this precious little human, the more I became unsure and full of
fear. What if birth mom changed her mind? I took a few pictures of Ellie with
Husband, but I couldn’t allow myself take any with her.
I couldn’t handle the thought of
losing another baby. Being left empty and broken again. We spent a few hours
with Ellie and her birth mom, but were no closer to figuring out how we were
going to make her ours.
When we left the hospital that evening we decided we
should get to work on getting things ready to bring a baby home. Ellie had
meconium and had to stay in the hospital for 48 hours for observation. This
gave us two days to get things figured out and ready. I got to work cleaning out the spare room. It was my
craft/ sewing/closet/vanity/storage/future baby’s room. It was full of
crap! It honestly looked like a scene from hoarders.
 | |
| Okay, maybe not THAT bad! |
When I got pregnant in 2013 some AMAZING friends gave us baby stuff: a crib, Bumbo, Boppy, blankets, bedding, socks, toys, books...LOTS & LOTS of baby stuff. It had been in my garage for over a year. Every time I looked at it, it made me angry. I just wanted it gone, until this day. This is the reason I hadn't gotten rid of it all, what a blessing!
Earlier that day I texted a friend and told her about Ellie, she dropped of a bassinet and an
adorable blanket she made. The love, support, and generosity of those around us
made it possible to get ready for our little miracle! Meanwhile, Husband continued to look for lawyers and ways to
make Ellie our baby. We FINALLY found a family lawyer in a town over that would
give us a phone consultation on June 6th at 10:00 AM.
Later that night we got news that Husband's grandma Lucille who had been sick for months, passed away in Las Vegas, NV. On top of all our feelings and stress we now added heartache. Husband was very close to grandma Lou, she played an integral part in raising him and I believe helped make him the sweet man he is today. Her last lucid words were along the lines of: "Give me that baby, I want to see that baby right now!" unfortunately, this was impossible as both were in hospitals in different states. Husband said to me after he found out about her passing that he though she would hang on long enough for us to have a baby. I told him, "She did, Ellie is going to be ours."
I woke up
early the next morning, about 4:00AM, full of excitement, anxiety, and sadness. My mind was on Ellie Lou,
how was she? Had birth mom changed her mind? Would we be able to bring Ellie
home tomorrow? Would we be able to keep her? I spent the day continuing to clean out
Ellie’s room and wash all the baby clothes, blankets, and bedding we had, trying
to keep myself busy.
We picked out these cute clothes when I was pregnant and were finally able to buy them after we met Ellie. We are a super hero loving family. Plus Superman was adopted too!
Waiting for 10:00 to come was so hard. I have NEVER been
so nervous in my entire life. When it FINALLY came Husband and I were able to talk
with the family lawyer. It was the BEST ten minutes and $85 I have ever spent
in my life! He informed us of ways we could go about making Ellie
legally ours. One of which was to go through him, which would cost thousands of
dollars and an undisclosed amount of time. He said we could also go through the County Attorney’s office (CAO).
When I informed the lawyer that B was out of town. He said that we should get
power of attorney and get signed up for our home studies. We FINALLY had a
lead! Ellie might be ours after all. The joy and relief I felt was incredible!
Next, I called Arizona Children’s Association to set
up our home studies. The woman I talked to informed me that the CAO could help us
with the adoption and said to wait on the home studies because it would be
cheaper and we would be able to get things done quicker through the CAO. More confirmation
that we could make this work. As long as birth mom didn't change her mind, this
baby might actually be ours! I was still full of trepidation but felt much
better about moving forward.
Husband and I went back to the courthouse and got a
power of attorney form so we could legally be in charge of making all decisions
for Ellie. We took the form to the hospital to get birth mom's signature and were able to get it notarized. We
were getting closer to making this sweet little angel ours!
We spent a few more hours at the hospital with Ellie.
With birth mom’s permission my sister came and met Ellie!
It was starting to get real. Ellie was our baby! This
is the first picture I took with my baby.
We left the hospital that evening to go buy a car seat
to take our daughter home the next day. I was going on two days with very
little sleep, full of fear, anxiety, excitement, adrenaline, sadness and it wasn’t over! Husband and I ran around Walmart like madmen! Most people have months to
prepare for a baby, we had 48 hours! Thinking back to what we bought makes me
laugh, we had no idea what we needed. We got her a car seat, changing mat and
cover, formula, bottle brush and that was it! Luckily we ran into my dear
friend and she got Ellie everything we didn’t think of, like bottles, diapers,
wipes, and LOTS more!!
We were almost there, we almost had OUR baby!
