The Adoptive Mommy: final

*Disclaimer: The following is NOT legal advice, simply the steps Husband and I took to legally adopt Ellie.

A ~~day~~ (who am I kidding, I don’t leave the house most days, Ellie and I just stay at home playing, reading, and napping) week doesn’t go by without someone telling me how lucky I am with Ellie’s adoption and don’t I know it. I LOVE finding people who have, are trying to, or are going through the adoption process on Instagram and Facebook. I see their profiles and websites. I net stock them reading their stories and following their journeys. There are more families than I can count that are searching for a sweet little soul to grow or complete their families. Adoption is usually a long, hard, expensive ride.

In most adoptions there are a few major steps from what I have learned in my research. These steps include: first, deciding to adopt. Once you have decided you then have to pick an agency. Will you be adopting domestically or internationally? Will you foster to adopt? Next, you have to fill out paperwork, LOTS of paperwork and submit it (you are then “paper pregnant,” I think this is such a cute term!) You also have to have a home study to decide if you are worthy to have a child placed with you and if your house is suitable for children. Next, you WAIT… for how long who knows, until a birth mother chooses you or until a child becomes available. Husband and I sure do things backwards!!

Now, let’s talk money because let’s face it, adoption IS expensive! If you choose foster to adopt, most of the fees are covered. I just talked to a friend who is in the middle of this LONG process and Arizona no longer provides all the legal help, they just give you a small stipend to find your own lawyer, so there is a chance you have to pay some out of pocket. If you are adopting privately, expect to pay LOTS, lots and lots and lots and lots!! I’ve seen countless gofound me accounts as well as T shirt and other fundraisers. My favorite is subsidyshdes.com this sweet adoptive momma created this company selling sun glasses to help her and others pay for adoption. (I LOVE this and hope to start something of my own in the not too distant future.)

I did ~~some~~ a little adoption research back in 2013 figuring it was my only hope for getting a baby. When I found out the money involved $$$$$ for private adoption, or that I had to foster to adopt to go through the state, I decided adoption wasn’t for us, that we’d just keep on trying. Turns our adoption chose us!

Back to husband and I doing things backwards, we found the baby and then went through the process.When we took Ellie home form the hospital all we had was power of attorney so we could legally make all medical and legal decisions for our sweet little babe. B (an AMAZING lady at the County Attorney’s Office (CAO) who ended up helping us every step of the way) was on vacation for the first two weeks of Ellie’s life. I lived every second those first few days, weeks, and months in fear. I was afraid someone was going to come and take her away from us. Scared that CPS would find out we had this baby that wasn’t legally ours and come get her. I was terrified that birth mom was going to change her mind, or that birth dad was just going to show up at our door to take Ellie away from us.

I waited as patiently as possible until June 17^th to call B and get things going. B was so swamped from two weeks on vacation that she took my number and said she would get back to me once she got caught up on work. (The awesome people at the COA are so overworked!) I waited over another week without hearing from B and decided that I couldn’t just wait around, so I called her back. When I told her we already had Ellie at home with us, she realized that we needed to get things going and dropped what she was working on to help us (told you she was amazing!) She took all of our information and got right to work.

First, birth mom’s rights needed to be severed giving up her rights to husband and me so we could get custody of Ellie. B got all the paperwork completed and sent it right out to us. Husband and I filled out all the forms B sent us, got them all notarized, (I have NEVER had so many documents notarized in my entire life as I did in just a few shorts weeks with the adoption) and sent them right back.

The next step was having birth mom go to the CAO a town over to talk with B in person. B wanted to make sure that birth mom knew her rights and that this decision was final and that we didn’t pay her for Ellie (We did NOT buy Ellie!) Birth mom picked us to be Ellie’s parents and we are so grateful that she is such a selfless, loving, amazing person!

Our first court date was set and a few weeks later husband and I were granted temporary custody until the adoption was final. I felt like we could breathe a sigh of relief, but there were still so many “what ifs” that I just couldn’t get completely comfortable.

Ellie on the way to our first court hearing to get custody

Then, we had to get certified to adopt in the State of Arizona. Because we were both teachers the finger printing part was done, but we had to get ready for our first home study. The court appointed a woman to do this, she sent us paperwork that Husband and I got started on right away. It had questions you would expect: “How long have you been married?” “What do you love most about your spouse?” It also had questions that threw me off like, “describe your parent’s marriage and parenting styles.” Yikes! I didn’t have the greatest parental influences growing up and didn’t want that to hinder Ellie’s adoption. Luckily, this was NOT a problem. After filling out our paper work, getting references from both friends and family along with baby proofing and cleaning EVERY. SINGLE. INCH. of our house we were ready to be studied! Husband and I were so nervous, what if they found us not suitable to have Ellie? Would they take her away from us? Who would they give her to? What would happen to her?

After weeks of getting ready, the home study was over in less than an hour. We just sat and talked about our little family and how amazing Ellie was. We answered some questions about our income and expenses. She looked around the house and then left. That was it. After weeks of cleaning and stressing, that was it! Now, we just had to wait. We were getting closer.

In the meantime, B put an ad in a neighboring town’s paper giving notice about paternity. Since we don’t know who birth dad is, we had to publish a newspaper ad once a week for four weeks and then wait 30 days. After the 30 days, we had to get a cashier’s check for $5 to vital records for a certificate checking to see if anyone filed for paternity rights. Then we could petition the judge to sever paternity. A few weeks later we got news that Husband and I were certified to adopt, how exciting!! We were getting closer.

Next step was our second home study, which we scheduled the beginning of October 2014. This home study was to insure that Husband and I were the best fit for Ellie. This time, we did very little to prepare. We vacuumed the house and that was about it. When the woman came, she mentioned how you can tell the first home study from the second, because the second one the child is in the home…I think this was her way of telling us our house wasn’t overly clean. We talked again about our little family, this time mostly just about Ellie. How she was growing and developing. How was our relationship, were we bonding? The second home study we were ready for and a lot more relaxed. She checked to see if any of our information had changed from our previous visit. Once she got all the info she needed, that was it. She congratulated us and went on her way. A few days later we got news that paternity was severed. We were getting closer.

The fear started fading but was still present. We got news that we had a final court date scheduled for January 13, 2014. All we had to do was wait. A few months of waiting. Everything was in order. Just sit and wait for three months. Fear continued to fade but was ever present.

Christmas 2014 came. It was the BEST! The previous Christmas I was broken and empty. It was a dark time for me. Had my pregnancy from March 2012 gone to term I was due December 21, 2013. This year was different, completely different. I was complete I had my baby! I continued my countdown to adoption day. It was getting closer.

It was FINALLY time! We went to the CAO to meet with B and our lawyer. We talked about what would happen and then went to the court. My sisters, Husband’s parents, and grandma all decided to go with us. The love and support was heartwarming. We waited longer in the courtroom for the judge to come in than the proceedings lasted. Husband and I were asked questions. We answered. I cried. Sisters cried. I cried some more. Then it was final. I had waited for seven months and six days. The fear was gone for good because she is ours, one hundred percent, no take backs. Ellie is legally ours, she is an Andreozzi!